Current mood:

calm

Written on the airplane on the way home Jan 13th
These days I find that returning to the area I grew up in triggers an odd sort of nostalgia. I am able to see a much more positive picture of my youth than I ever did while I was experiencing it. Family, friends, and the unique comforts of home open up and enfold me with the ease of familiar habits and long established rituals. I find myself on the roads I drove when I was still learning how, walking halls I took my first steps down, and seeking out faces that would know mine no matter how much time has passed. My grandmother's studio still smells like sunshine, woodsmoke, and the dust of dried watercolor paint and pastels. There wasn't a single day that didn't start with at least one dog worming her way down the blankets and snuggling up next to me in bed. This was, in fact, a perfect visit.

I am glad to find myself headed back to Boston, however. Despite all the comforts of being home there is nothing in my past that holds a candle to my present. I passed up plenty of opportunities when I lived in Wisconsin, and even earlier in Michigan. None of them would have led to where I'm at now. While there are certain people and things I'll probably never be able to look back on without a twinge of regret and a small pause to consider “what if” the things I gave up along the way don't even begin to compare to the opportunities I have now. Ultimately, being home really made me take stock of what I've gained in the past year and a half and appreciate just how much the impulse to set out to parts unknown and really take charge of my own life has paid off. The first semester of school was an adventure I am looking forward to continuing in just a week here. I'm excited about the projects I'm working on and the chances I've had for learning beyond the classroom. The ups and downs I had as far as employment when I first moved have forced me to become more assertive and independent. I'm right in the thick of so much of what is happening politically, culturally, ect... and yet, not so buried in it that I can't escape when it suits me. And there is Joe.

He's been a fantastic support for me. Calm when I am frantic, steady when my world is falling apart, sweet when I least expect it and insightful in ways I couldn't possibly imagine. His Christmas gift for me this year was a wacom tablet. I had no clue. It was, is, such a personally meaningful gift and one that shows an awareness of who I am and what is important to me that extends beyond who I have been during our time together. There is just so much there that even when I come face to face with my what ifs I know, without question, I've made the right choices and been true to myself in ways I didn't understand at the time.

I stayed busy while I was home. Four cities and two states later I've seen almost everyone I was hoping to see and had a lovely time. It was a nice way to grow just a little bit older and close out the holidays.

Love you all.

Joy.